Work-Life balance and other myths
I have this new client: about to turn 40 years old, married, mother of two young adults and one elementary school kid, studying for her Ph.D., has two part-time jobs and is also a minister for her Church, currently doing two weekly services.
When we were setting her goals during our first session, she said: “I want to have work-life balance; I have been trying really hard and I can’t do it”. So here she is: this very successful woman, top-notch brain and super hard-working, feeling like a failure because she cannot seem to make these two worlds, home and work, meet in the middle.
This is not the first time I hear this. All my clients that work and have children show up to our first session with the same struggle: how to make it so that they spend the same amount of time at their various jobs and their activities with family and doing things they enjoy.
Let me tell you something about work-life balance: it doesn’t exist. Like mermaids, unicorns, or Thor’s Hammer (thankfully though, Chris Hemsworth is very real).
A term coined in the 80s and that 40 years later keeps haunting mothers and triggering feelings of guilt, shame, not-enoughness, stress, and failure, the term work-life balance needs to be wiped out from headlines, articles, internet searches, and the brains of all moms out there.
Go for both achievement and enjoyment instead. Accept that life is fluid and has seasons, that different days have different focuses and priorities and that the most important thing is to be present in everything we do.
We make a mess when we approach one activity already thinking about the next; never really being there, for anything, for anybody, and least of all, for ourselves and our lives. We chase our tails ending up exhausted and full of guilt and shame. But if we choose to make something happen (no matter the size), be present, and feel fulfilled, we cut the cycle of stress and stop feeling like a failure.
This is what we discussed with my client. As soon as she heard my invitation to change her focus from work-life balance to achievement and enjoyment, I could feel the liberation in her voice, demeanor, and body. Suddenly everything she does in a day took a different meaning.
Now I extend the same invitation to you. If she and I can do it, so can you.
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